WARNING....(Controversial Topic)......Could Contain Material Unsuitable For Children under 18.

Since this is my personal blog and I don't really know who is reading it and making judgments accordingly, I figured why not have a post about a topic with which everyone is familiar. A topic that is taboo and never comes up in a church meeting where the goal is to "strengthen relationships" even though it is the most important. A topic that always comes up in every marriage and yet outside of that marriage, the individuals are afraid to discuss it openly because they think their situation is different than everyone else's. (Loubige....please forgive me in advance).

Okay, here is my personal take. I encourage your comments even if they are anonymous because you fear your wife/husband might be reading this blog.

SEX is the #1 issue in most marriages. Most husbands think they are not getting it enough and most wives can't believe it's so important. (note: The case could be the opposite in your personal situation so just flip flop roles as you read this).

So, what is the solution. My personal opinion: It takes a huge sacrifice from both parties. I know I only have 12 years of experience but (finally) after 12 years, I think I understand the opposite sex. (Keyword = think).

First: The Wife

Picture this: Our wives get the kids up, get them ready, cook them breakfast, take them to school, do homework with them, clean the house, cook the food, do the dishes, get the kids in bed, and FINALLY have some time for themselves. It is now 9 pm and they finally get to relax and watch some TV or read a book or just put on their PJs and rest; however, along comes BIG DADDY looking for some action and you can see the look on the wife's face, "You have got to be kidding." Her thoughts are, "I finally get some time to myself and now I have to get all worked up just so he can feel like a man and immediately fall asleep afterwards....yea right! This ain't going to happen."

Advice for the Husband: Be understanding of her situation. Know that she needs her time and just wants to relax. Realize that it's nothing against you personally...she just can't give you what you want and need everytime you want or need it. Also you can't give her an ultimatum like: I need it 3 or 4 times a week. That just doesn't work because it puts too much pressure on her to deliver. If you give her what she needs...guarantee she will give you what you need. (no, not everyday but things will happen). Start off small...give her a backrub every once in awhile with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Then start to do the dishes a couple times a week with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Then offer to pick up some food on the way home or even cook every once in awhile so she can relax in front of the TV for once. Remember the key is....NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Before you know it, she will see how much you are sacrificing and therefore she in turn will reward you accordingly.

Next: The Husband

Picture this: Husbands leave the house around 7 am every day. They go to work which is tedious, time consuming, and sometimes downright boring. They labor all day. They have to sit through meetings. They sometimes get yelled at from their boss. They worry that they are not making enough money and aren't pulling their weight. They feel less like a man because money is scarce and/or they might lose their job. Finally they get home around 6 pm and just want to relax; however, upon opening the door, they find the house not necessarily in order, perhaps the kids are screaming, and /or dinner might not be ready. Finally, it's 8 pm and the husband just wants one thing: Relieve all the pressure he has been feeling all day....and yet, the wife gives him the cold shoulder, claims a headache, and goes to sleep. The husband is left with this thought: "Look what I do for this family. I work all day long trying to earn a living so we can live in this beautiful house and drive the cars we do. I put up with my boss and angry co-workers. And all I ask for is some "alone" time with my wife and yet, she is too selfish, stubborn, and bitchy to give it to me. Why do I even bother?"

Advice for the Wife: Be understanding of his situation. Try to understand what he goes through on a daily basis and the pressure he feels for trying to support a family in the 21st century. Think of all the nice things you have, the cars you drive, and the house you live in and realize that all those things are because your husband works so hard and wants the best for you and the kids. Sometimes when you are tired and just want to relax....remind yourselves of those things and say to him, "Honey, tonight I'm really tired but if you need a quickie, I'm game." He'll be more than pleased...believe me. Other times, (perhaps on the weekend), give him a little more. Dig out the lingerie, dust it off, and surprise him once in awhile. Get some candles out, turn on some music, and you will have him hook, line, and sinker. No, you don't have to do these things everytime but they are definitely noticed and appreciated by your spouse when you do sacrifice and put forth the effort. Before you know it, as you do these things, he will reward you accordingly with some cuddle time, backrubs, cooking, and doing the dishes.

No, my wife and I don't have it all figured out. No, I am not a psychiatrist. No, I don't have all the answers. However, I figured if no one else was going to talk about it.....I might as well.

GOOD LUCK and HAPPY MATING!!!